How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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