Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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