Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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