I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
