i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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