I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
