dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
