I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
