I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
