saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
