yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
