I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
