I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
