More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
