Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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