you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
