And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize