It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
