Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize