awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
