the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
