i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
