I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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