You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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