Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
