my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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