I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize