the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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