Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
