guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
