I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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