Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just want nice things and good sex
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
