Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
