wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
