i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My ATM looks so different sober.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i think im in europe. pls send help
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
