Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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