My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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