david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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