Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
