So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
