Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
