he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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