Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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