I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
3 2 1 whiskey
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
