You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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