I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize