i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
