My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bring money and cleavage
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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