I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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