you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How's work?
Spinning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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