that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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