so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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