Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
