if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
