whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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