I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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