he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
