I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
