She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
