his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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