If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
