I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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