I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
