During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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