Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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