I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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