he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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