She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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