Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
