i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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