We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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