Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
