Dude my mom stole all your condoms
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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