if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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