In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
