She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Come on in and take your pants off
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