I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
