Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
