i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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