now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
