Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looked like the before picture.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
