I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
