who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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