something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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