Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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